An example of intergenerational trauma; Gabore Mate
A child absorbs the parents pain so they can stay in the family and then they manifest it. When a parent says something to the child like, 'I just don't understand you', the child has nothing to feel supported by. So what is really happening is the parent is exiling the child so they don't have to feel their own pain because they can't stand it.
We all have holes in the way we were parented and the way we parent. What we want to do is recognize the places we fell through the cracks and find ways to build new neural pathways to support us in our ongoing life.